I have a confession. I’ve never really been comfortable with who I am. I’ve torn myself down and lit myself on fire. I’ve concealed my constant, slow and deep burns from the world. I’ve hated myself for who I am. I’ve come to a point where I have realized that this is the only me I get. I can’t throw my self away and buy another one. Life might not be the party I expected but while I’m here I should dance. At the beginning I came out a lesbian. It was easier than saying I was transgendered. As a child I couldn’t understand why everyone called me a girl, or why I was banned from my correct bathroom. I didn’t understand why everyone expected me to play with dolls and I couldn’t fathem why I was torn down as early as age six for playing with G I Joes and Hot wheels. I didn’t understand these things because at a very young age I knew who I was. We are not who are parents are. We are born into this world with things that are our own. We can not raise our children how we were raised because we are from a different time. Having a child isn’t about raising one. Its about giving a being the gift of a happy life. Not many people know what true happiness is. Success shouldn’t be measured in the amount of money you have but the amount of true happiness one has. It is the things that can only be seen and shown; not written, photographed, or painted that are the most beautiful. It took years of school systems and punishment for me to suppress it. People physically and mentally scared me. I cut off contact with certain parts of myself because I felt I was to shame for feeling out of place because it wasn’t possible that I was a boy. Coming out as a lesbian was easier. It made more sense for the public to wrap their head around and I had a team of other queers who would back me up if I was being attacked. It wasn’t that I was weak and couldn’t fend for myself. It was that I didn’t want to have to survive my entire life and I wanted to know what it was like to live. I’ve never cared about the gender of someone. Not even as a child. People taught me to hate myself and punished me for seeing the world population as beings instead of human beings. Human is so incorporated. We have this idea that human is a great thing but we do not know the true meaning. The dictionary says humane is kind, it is loving, it is the way way a human would treat you. Humans treat everything like shit. We treat the world as if we could just throw it away and buy a new one but but we can’t. People victimize them selfs. You can punish someone who is Un willing to learn but you can’t punish someone who is willing and trying to learn. To this day I meet other transgendered people and I see some of them get mad because people slip up on pronouns. It upsets me because there are people in the world who are unwilling to consider that as a real thing even tho it is very much so real and then they tear down the hope. Its the same thing as learning to ride a bike for the first time. If someone yelled at you because you fell down the very first time you tried to ride a bike wouldn’t you be sad? It upsets me that people use it as at an excuse to get mad quickly or basically hurt others. Now not all transgendered people do that and that problem is not just in the transgendered community. It is the same thing as someone killing a man and saying they killed a man because they were molested when they were 2. It is the same exact pain just caused in a different place and in a different way. All the problems we have could be fixed if we realized we are just beings. We are all on the same planet, on 24 hours days and not one person is more qualified than the other to say that they understand the law of the natural order and everything that is. No one person is more qualified than the next to say that someone is wrong because of their skin, origin, orientation, shape, weight, gender, and beliefs or anything like that. No one person is qualified to tell you that you are wrong unless you are hurting another being not under the circumstances of self defense. I am not the first person to come out as a lesbian because it was easier, I am not the only one, there are many around the world like me but that does not mean that there are not lesbians who are forever and have always been lesbians. It most certainly does not mean I am bad person. If you call me a bad lesbian that would be a truth because I AM A MALE WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE BEEN BORN AS A BIOLOGICAL FEMALE, WHO HAPPENS TO BE REVIVING TREATMENT TO CORRECT THAT PROBLEM AND WHO HAPPENS TO BE PANSEXUAL. Being transgendered and pansexual do not make me who I am. Those things are a part of me but they do not make make me who I am. I make myself myself who I am and no one defines me except me. I refuse to spend my life surviving and hating myself because who I am is a threat to a human beings close mindedness. When does it become apparent to be a being activist instead of of a feminist, maleinst, or even a humanist? We all came from the same place and if you have have a problem with someone not based on their actions as a being then you yourself have a lot of learning to do.